According to Merriam-Webster.com, a true believer is “a person who professes absolute belief in something” or is “a zealous supporter of a particular cause.” Synonyms listed are crusader, fanatic, and ideologue.

On social issues, it’s almost always true believers who spearhead change. They are the ones with the passionate conviction to face universal disagreement and, at times, physical violence to achieve changes such as women’s suffrage or an end to slavery. On that front, most of us tend to admire those who crusade for causes we favor, but may be at a loss to understand those on the other side.

Sometimes I agree with the results of a true believer’s action even if I don’t share an “absolute belief.” The summer I studied for the bar, I did a legal fellowship with the Chicago Coalition for the Homeless. The non-profit believes “housing is a human right in a just society.” Seeing housing as a right raises questions for me, such as who is required to build the houses to which other people have a right, and how will those workers be paid? Or will they be forced to work for free? Nonetheless, I believe it is a worthy goal for a society that all of its people have a safe place to live. I admire the results the Coalition obtains, particularly in ensuring homeless children have equal access to education. I don’t need to be an ideologue or a true believer to support the organization.

Absolute belief on a personal level can result in an unwillingness to consider new information. An acquaintance of mine is certain white males have no advantages in the job market. First, he says that once discrimination in employment based on race became illegal, there was no more discrimination, and second, he says he has never been afforded any preference based on his gender or race. I shared with him my experience working for a small business when I was in my early twenties. I sat in on interviews for a person being hired to do a similar job to mine. I liked one candidate, and the manager agreed the young woman had more relevant experience and presented more professionally in the interview than did the other woman being considered. But because the candidate I wanted to hire was African-American, the manager thought she would be a bad fit. Everyone else at the company was white, and some of the older male employees often said racist things. I pointed out that the answer to that was to tell the other employees to cut it out and that it was against the law to hire or not based on race. The manager still hired the young white woman instead.

The acquaintance who heard this said flatly, “I don’t believe that.” He’s not required to believe me. But in the ten years I’d known him before that, he’d never accused me of lying about anything or even of exaggerating or having a poor memory. This article in the New Yorker might explain why this time he did. The research cited within it showed that when new information contradicts a long-held belief that is intrinsic to a person’s concept of self, the person generally rejects that information. It doesn’t matter if it’s an emotional appeal, a personal story, or a series of studies, the person simply doesn’t accept the contradictory information.

I took an on line survey recently that was meant to evaluate the survey taker’s reasoning style. Mine showed as Skeptical. Perhaps because I am skeptical by nature, I wondered how accurate a twenty-minute survey could be. But I did identify with the description of skeptics as people who subject their own views and the views of others to scrutiny. My inclination when told about a study, regardless of its findings, is to look at who conducted it and why and what sorts of controls there were. When I feel strongly about a topic, I try to read and listen to the other side and think of an example where I might disagree with my initial position. When I hear a politician say something, I consider also what words the person chooses and what that person is not saying, no matter who that politician is.

Probably that tendency to look at all sides is why true believers fascinate me. I envy their certainty. To be absolutely convinced you are right must offer a great sense of purpose and clarity. All the same, always questioning and exploring new ideas and facts has served me well as a lawyer and as a writer, so I’ll stick with my own approach. Though I can’t say that with absolute certainty.

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Lisa M. Lilly is the author of the occult thrillers The Awakening and The Unbelievers, Books 1 and 2 in the Awakening series. A short film of the title story of her collection The Tower Formerly Known as Sears and Two Other Tales of Urban Horror was recently produced under the title Willis Tower. If you’d like to be notified of new releases and read reviews of M.O.S.T. (Mystery, Occult, Suspense, Thriller) books and movies, click here to join her email list and receive free a short horror story, Ninevah, published exclusively to M.O.S.T. subscribers.

The post Is It Good To Be A True Believer? appeared first on Lisa Lilly.

During the 14+ years when the majority of my work time (the majority of all my time, for that matter) was spent practicing law, I strived to keep a sharp divide between what I did to earn a living and the rest of life. That seemed vital because I worked so many hours, first at a large law firm and then running my own law practice. I rarely worked at law projects at home and rarely handled anything personal from my office. I also tried to designate certain times of the week–Saturday evening, all day Sunday–whenever I could as non-work time. My thriller and horror writing, though also work, was my great love, so I counted it on the “life” side of the balance.

My view as I write this post.

Now that I spend most of my professional life writing, and a smaller amount practicing law and teaching, work/life balance isn’t a big focus for me, yet I’m happier. I sometimes choose to research or write legal motions and briefs Saturday and Sunday mornings so I can send my final product off to a client or file it in a court early, leaving the rest of the week for revising the third thriller in my Awakening series. Likewise, I might grade the papers my law students write while taking Amtrak to visit family, despite that it’s officially vacation, because it helps pass the long train ride. Or I’ll sit out on my deck and dictate parts of a blog post into my phone while watching a beautiful sunset, which is how I began this entry.

At first I struggled against this migration of work into evenings and weekends–those times I’d tried so hard, often without success, to keep sacred when I labored primarily at law. But being too rigid led to me feeling both busier and as if I weren’t getting as much done, as I always felt I ought to be doing something else. Paying bills during 9-5 when I’m most sharp and productive seemed like a waste, as did going to the grocery store during evenings or weekends when everyone else is there. When I felt freer to handle tasks when I’d be most productive at them or enjoy them more regardless of the time or place, I discovered I found it easier to relax during downtime, plus I had more of it. Letting myself open my laptop on a Saturday morning to rewrite a scene that had sifted through my mind during the night gave me more than one uninterrupted hour to read a novel during the week. Immersing myself in reading that way is something I loved from childhood on but hadn’t done regularly since before I’d started law school. From then on, reading for pleasure happened only in 10-20 minute increments unless I was on vacation.

Now I wonder if, while I was practicing law full time, I might have been happier had I allowed myself the same flexibility. I liked my work, and I loved running my own business. But I got depressed, feeling like the only person in the whole world working when I stayed at my office every night until 7 p.m. At the big law firm where I’d practiced, seven was a normal time to leave work, but on my own most of the people where I shared offices left by 5 or 6. And on weekends, it was just me and the security guards. I might have felt happier doing routine administrative tasks at home with a glass of wine and John Fogerty playing on the stereo.

One of the things I do identify with that Joanna Penn said is that because she loves writing and everything connected to it, her leisure time and social interactions all often relate to her work, and she enjoys that. Authors need to read, and that’s a great love of mine. I’ve also made very close friends at writing conferences and more recently through writing communities on line. We’ve become sounding boards for one another for our careers and for other parts of life. Plus we have fun. I recently had a great time eating good food and drinking wine at Lady Gregory in Chicago with my friend Patty, who runs Path to Essential Health. Yet we were having a business meeting about a creativity workshop we’re putting together.

At the same time, I remember when I started my law firm I was also delighted at the many ways business and social came together. At the large firm, the hours of legal work required to meet guidelines left little time for any type of social life–business related or not. On my own, I was thrilled that I could eat lunch often with friends, attend bar association events, and host get togethers at my firm. That a side effect often was sharing good business advice or connecting one another with potential clients or vendors was icing on the cake. Three or four years later, though, when my practice had grown almost beyond me, I felt burnt out and tired. I still loved seeing my friends, but the hours in the office felt less rewarding, and I began to resent the lack of time away.

It’s tempting to believe that’ll never happen with my writing, and with the business side of writing, because I love it more. And that’s probably true in part. But the author of The E-Myth Revisted, a book about entrepreneurs with small businesses, talks about the dangers of growth without a plan. The author gives examples of small business owners who survive the all important first five years (during which most small business fail) only to confront a challenge they never expected: too much success, resulting in working too much for too long and no longer loving the business. I recognized myself right away and realized that within a year of opening my doors I ought to have hired a full time legal assistant rather than doing so much myself with office support only on a project basis.

I plan to learn from that experience, so much as I love writing and everything connected with it, I’ll make a a little nod to work/life balance more often than I feel the need to. Also thanks to Joanna’s podcast, I’ve started scheduling my tasks for the following work day the night before. It helps me get more done and, as important, I schedule in breaks and I know when I’m finished for the day. And I’m keeping an eye on what additional aspects of my writing business and law practice I will outsource if I hit a point where I feel all I do is work.

What about you? Does whether you love your work affect your need for work/life balance? What tips can you offer on enjoying your life inside and outside of work?

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The first is how specific the critique is. No doubt like most people, I prefer “loved it” to “hated it” (so feel free to write a few “loved it” reviews of my latest release, The Unbelievers), but what I value most are comments that pinpoint what worked and/or didn’t. For example, one reader wrote that she really liked the supernatural pregnancy aspect of The Awakening (Book 1 in my occult thriller series) and found it to be fast paced and intriguing, but she felt the male characters were overall portrayed negatively as compared to the female characters. That certainly wasn’t my intent, but on reflection, I could see where someone could read the book that way. So in Book 2, The Unbelievers, I focused one of the sub-plots on two of the male characters and delved into their stories and motives more. That ultimately became one of the greatest strengths in the story. On the other hand, I didn’t learn anything from a 1-star review that said “Meh – not for me.” Or, though they made me smile, from 4 and 5-star ratings on Goodreads with no comments.

Can we learn from the comments (especially the negative ones) others make about us? 

Another thing to consider when deciding whether praise or blame tells you anything useful is the emotional context. A client’s comments about my legal ability just after a win or a loss are less likely to reflect accurately my actual legal skills or the service I delivered than the same client’s feedback after a year of working together that included both ups and downs.

Perhaps what matters most is understanding the critic’s preferences. I have a friend whose decorating advice I’d take any day of the week, even if she told me my favorite lamp needed to be hidden away where no one but me would see it. I love the way her home looks and admire her taste. Plus we both love hardwood floors and antiques, and we both are definitely not fans of matched sets of anything. Or of ruffles. On the other hand, her interest in fashion is minimal and her clothing choices are ultra-conservative. If she told me my shoes were too flashy, it’s unlikely I’d change my footwear. Likewise, when I see a review of one of my thrillers, whether it’s positive or negative, I often check to see what else the reader has reviewed. One reader complained that the characters in The Awakening raced around too much and there wasn’t even a good love scene. Her other reviews were mostly of romance novels. While I’m sorry she didn’t like the book, I didn’t change the pacing or plot of Book 2 because of it. The racing around that she didn’t like is what makes fans of Dan Brown and Dean Koontz call The Awakening and The Unbelievers fast-paced page-turners, which is what I was aiming for.

If I tried to make every potential reader happy, I’d probably produce terrible books that zigzagged all over the place, So I do my best, in writing and in life, to appreciate anyone who takes the time to give feedback, and to pay the most attention to those critiques likely to help me get better and better. That makes my life more peaceful and, I hope, my work the best it can be.

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The post Critiquee’s Choice or The Truth About Praise and Blame appeared first on Lisa Lilly.

That experience illustrates two important facets of persuading people. One is well-known to most lawyers — that of putting your best argument first. If your first argument is weak, your reader or listener may never get beyond it. The second is credibility. Because I checked the source material and found it didn’t say what the article’s author claimed it did, I no longer found that author, or the publication, credible. Both lost the opportunity to persuade me not only of that one point, but of anything.

These principles apply to fiction, too. Novelists all are attempting to persuade readers. To do what? To believe in the fictional world the author created and to care about the characters as if they were real people. That’s a big part of what’s happening, or not, when customers in a bookstore or on-line read the first paragraph or two of a book. That first page either pulls the reader in or it doesn’t. While a lot of authors feel frustrated that potential buyers judge a book by reading no more than the first page (assuming they’ve liked the cover in the first place), most of us do exactly that when we browse books. That’s why I rewrite the first page of my novels close to a hundred times before publication.

Credibility also matters. This morning I revised a scene where a woman exits the River City high rise complex and hurries through Chicago’s South Loop after dark. A stranger starts to follow her. What I want the reader to wonder at that point is “Who is the stranger? What does he want? Will Sophia reach her office safely?” But if I’d said she was walking through Lincoln Park instead, someone who knows Chicago’s neighborhoods well would forget about the story and wonder: “Isn’t River City in the South Loop? Does this author know Chicago at all? Doesn’t she check Google maps?” With that one error, my reader is no longer persuaded that the scene or the character is real. If I’ve otherwise done a good job, the reader might forgive me and read on. But if too many errors break the narrative, it becomes more likely the reader won’t return to the book.

So there you have it – sin, sex, and persuasive writing. And you thought it was just a catchy title.

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The Awakening for Kindle: http://amzn.to/pFCcN6

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Visit Lisa’s website:  www.lisalilly.com

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